Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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