Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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