I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
porn star boner night. come get it.
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maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
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I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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