That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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