the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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