You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
