I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
