You smell like a Billy Joel song
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
