I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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