I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
