what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
