Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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