debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
there is glitter all over my balls
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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