I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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