I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
