I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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