I bet he comes in French.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
