my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
