this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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