Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
