You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
