Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize