That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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