you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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