it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
