Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize