it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize