New invention idea: vibrating tampons
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
