Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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