kristin has been a bad kristin
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
