I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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