Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
