WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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