I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
