So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
