If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
