he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
