onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
