She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize
