North Korea, Best Korea!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
