I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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