I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
