and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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