Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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