Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
