not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
