His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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