but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
