I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
