Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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