i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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