I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
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Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have tasted many bathrooms
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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