Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
