WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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