I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
